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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Little Sunshine for a Rainy Day

I am having one of those days where "nothing seems to go my way". I was in mid-crisis when I received an email from one of my oldest and dearest friends, Katie. It made me laugh out loud.

It's a great little pick me up...trust me! So, without further adieu...

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and unfortunately they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now ,
there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:A,E,I,O,U.
(wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. ( OMG )

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Your thoughts???

23 comments:

Molly said...

These are hilarious!!! Hope they brightened your day :o)

Hannah @ The New Black said...

These have me literally laughing OUT LOUD. I really needed this laugh too...thanks!!

Christina said...

Like Whoa! Bahaha...those were great! Thanks, I needed that today :)

Marian said...

The last two and the mushroom one are my favorites. Makes me feel a bit better about myself:)

Chicago Cuisine Critique said...

Too funny. Hope your day gets better.

Miss Southern Vol said...

This is scary! Very very scary :) but super cute

Kerr said...

wow that does not give me much confidence in our youth! but then again I dont know the answers to some of those questions (anymore!)

R said...

This just made my day. I think I teach the kids that will someday be taking the GED and answering questions that way.

ty said...

Thank you. Rough day. THANK YOU.

There's No Place Like Memphis Mama said...

Scary!!!

Simply Amy said...

That is so scray! But I have to say the one with the milk is funny!

Katie said...

Oh wow. This is hilarious. Sadly, I don't remember the answers to a few of these questions... Lol.

Lindsay said...

OMG this is hilarious and sad all at the same time. this is the future of america :-/

Jessica said...

hahaha those are hilarious! I think the "Hands that judicious..." one is soo funny!

Mateya said...

Wow haha! These are crazy!

AbbyS. said...

You have no idea how much I needed this. THANKS!

Jenn @ West Sac Honey said...

I literally couldn't even finish reading all of them because I couldn't be subjected to such stupidity. Oh I hope none of those were my brothers answers lol. Some of those are hard!! Like dew? I have no idea how dew forms.

Kerbi said...

WOW! That is amazing!

Jessica said...

Oh. My. Goodness.
I have no words!! Hahaha

Mr. and Mrs. Smith said...

Oh my goodness! These definitely had me laughing out loud!

Carol {Everyday Delights} said...

Those are too cute! I think the kid who answered the "seasons" one has a future as a chef!

Thinking Out Loud said...

Wow! This is great!

jill said...

bahahaha! it's my greatest fear that one of my students will end up on this list one day! xoxo friend ... hope today was FANTASTIC!